


You had my heart inside of your hand (and you played to the beat)

by SB1



Category: The Fosters
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Connor has a crush on Jude, Drama, High School AU, Jude has a girlfriend, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 17:37:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6385855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SB1/pseuds/SB1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Credit to SB1 for the plot and development of this story :) <br/>Enjoy! :)</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to SB1 for the plot and development of this story :)   
> Enjoy! :)

“Connor?!” Adam cleared his throat, raising an eyebrow at his son's strange behaviour.Connor had been acting weird over the past few days. He seemed completely lost in his thoughts.

“Earth to Connor?” Adam repeated, waving his hand in front of his son's absent eyes.

“Um.. yeah?” Connor finally replied, snapping back into reality.

“I was asking you if you'd like to eat pancakes for breakfast.” Adam sighed. He was worried about his son's weird behaviour.

“Oh.. yes, thanks.” Connor replied to his dad cracking smile in a weak attempt to convince him that nothing was wrong. 

While Adam was busy making breakfast, Connor sighed staring mindabsently into space.

He felt like the thing he treasured the most was slowly slipping away from him. 

“You're hanging out with Jude after school?” Adam asked carelessly as he was flipping pancakes like a pro.

“I don't know dad..” Connor replied. “ _I hope so.”_  He refused to give voice to that thought.

“He hasn't been over here in a while.. how come? ” Adam asked, placing the pancakes into two plates.

Since Connor wasn't giving him an answer, he was trying to wring it out of him.

“Did you two have a fight?”

Connor knew better than not give Adam Stevens what he wanted.

“No dad.. we're still best friends.” the word sounded so bitter on Connor's tongue. “He's probably too busy with school.. and his girlfriend.”

Adam tried miserably to hide a bright smile. He was kinda of hiding it behind his coffee cup, but it was useless.. Connor noticed and as usual he felt his heart sinking at the sight.

“You should find a girlfriend too, Connor.” Adam suggested with a smirk. “ and go on double dates, hanging out..”

“ _I don't want to go on double dates with him and Olivia.”_  Connor thought, trying to refrain himself from rolling his eyes at his father's suggestion.

“ _I want to go on dates. With him.”_ He wanted to say. But this is what what he actually said to his father.

“I'll try.” He replied with a sad smile on his lips. He wished things were different. That his father was different. He mostly wished he wasn't in the closet.

“Good boy.”

Connor got up from the table, grabbing his backpack before heading towards the front door.

“Isn't it early?” Adam said, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Um.. Yeah, I have to meet with Taylor before classes.” Lie.  _Big,fat, Lie._

Adam's eyes were sparkling with joy and once he got out of the house, he rolled his eyes one last time hearing his father to “Go and get the girl.”

Connor felt his chest lifting up and down heavily, letting out deep breaths.

He wanted to hang out with Jude after school and he was frustrated because for the past few weeks since he started dating Olivia, a very cute and sweet girl in their grade, he felt like he was begging Jude to hang out with him, to spend some quality time together.

Everytime Connor had been asking to doing homework together or playing videogames.. or even to come over, the only reply from his best friend was.

“I'm sorry Connor, I have plans with Ollie. What about tomorrow?”  
the following day became four days, four days became a week..   
“Connor.” Connor looked at him with an expectant smile on his lips, Jude seemed glad to see him.

“Hey Jude.”

They both laughed. It was always like that, it was their thing.

“You're early.” Jude pointed out; He didn't seem disappointed though, so it was definitely a good sign.

“Yes.. I know you arrive early every day.. so I was thinking to hang out a bit before classes.” Connor replied sweetly with a hopeful smile on his lips.

Jude was smiling too, until that smile unfortunately started crumbling.

“It's okay.” Connor replied noticing the pleading look on Jude's face.

“I-I'm so sorry Connor.. I promised...” He couldn't even say her name, but there was no need to. Connor knew perfectly.

“It's okay.”

It was not okay. Definitely not okay. But Connor tried to act like a grown up, smiling and trying to hold back the tears.

Jude really seemed sorry, and that broke Connor's heart even more.

“C-Connor I know I've been a shitty friend lately.. and I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

Jude said, lifting up his pinkie. Connor laughed along with his friend, lifting up his own.

He couldn't possibly stay mad at Jude.

“Tonight at my place? We can have one of our Videogames marathon.” Connor suggested with a suggestive smirk on his lips.

The same smirk faded away the moment he saw Jude's excited expression falling, for the second time that day.

“Let me guess. You have plans with Olivia.” Connor said, letting out a humorless laugh.

“Unbelievable.” Connor thought, shaking his head.

“Listen.” Jude said resting his hand on Connor's arm, waves of electricity spread through his entire body. If only Jude knew the effect he had on Connor..

“How about we hang out after school?” Jude proposed with a hopeful smile.

Connor felt hesitant, if he had to be completely honest.

He was really hurt by the fact that Jude couldn't find some time for their friendship. They always reassured one another that their friendship was the most important thing and Connor wasn't expecting from Jude to break up with Olivia just because of that promise. He wasn't that kind of guy. He missed his friend and it was enough of a reason to make him swallow his pride.

“So?” Jude asked letting out a nervous giggle, looking at him with huge expectant eyes.

“Sure.” The blinding smile on Jude's lips made him smile too.

He couldn't wait for the last bell to ring.

 

“Where are you running to, Mr. Stevens?”

Connor turned around, letting out a deep breath. He was so excited to see Jude that he started running down the hallways, towards the exit.

“Hey D.” Connor managed to reply, feeling out of breath “I'm meeting up with Jude. He's waiting for me outside.” She hummed, smiling at him with a teasing smirk on her lips.

“Not like that!” Connor retorted, watching her smile getting wider.

“Still in denial, Stevens?” She whispered in his ear.

“Remind me why I dated you in the past?” Connor replied, laughing.

Daria and Connor were the rare exception that a girl and a boy, who openly dated each other, stayed friends afterwards.

It mostly happened because one of them was gay, but still. Daria was the only one knowing everything. Connor came clean about everything right after breaking up with her. She deserved to know, and Connor never once regretted that decision. She'd been a supportive and caring friend since then.

Who would have thought it!

“I'll let you go. Bye Romeo.” She sighed dramatically, waving her hand.

Connor just laughed, heading outside.

 

He rushed towards the parking lot so fast that he seriously risked to fall but he didn't care.

He felt so exhilarated that his body was buzzing with excitement. He was grinning from ear to ear as he approached Jude.

Jude was standing with his back turned towards him, so logically, from distance Connor couldn't notice that Jude was pretty busy with his girlfriend.

Just as soon as he stopped a few feet away from him, he noticed that they were shamelessy making out in the parking lot. Where they were suppose to meet. To hang out.  _Alone._

Connor lowered down his gaze, unable to watch his best friend, and secret crush, make out with Olivia.

He felt a sudden rush of anger, spreading like a disease through his whole body. Connor couldn't see straight anymore. Literally.  
He gazed down at his fists, clenching so tight that they were hurting.

“I should have known.” Connor didn't dare to lift up his eyes. Because it hurt too much, it hurt him deep in his chest. How Jude could not see that?

“Um..” He heard a feminine voice clearing her throat. It was Olivia's.

“There's Connor.” Olivia said, with a surprised pitch in her voice.

Connor finally lifted up his eyes from the ground, looking at the couple in front of him.

Jude was panting, red in the face, and his hair was all messed up by Olivia's fingers.

She looked nice and polite as usual, with her nerdy glasses and preppy clothes.

“She's a nerd just like Jude.” Connor thought.

“Hey Connor!” Jude said, trying to clear the tense air. Obviously it wasn't working. At all.

“I should go.. I have a cello lesson.” She said, lifting up on her toes to kiss Jude on the lips.

“Later babe.” She winked, before heading away.

“Bye Connor.” Connor barely replied to her. He was too busy in that moment, glaring at his best friend.

Jude was clearly at unease at that point, his gaze shifted uncomfortably from Connor's frozen figure to the ground.

“So..” Jude said after a while, letting out a deep breath. “Shall we?”

Without saying a word he took few steps towards Connor.

 Connor nodded, swallowing down the disappointment and the heart ache he was feeling in that moment.

Jude led the way towards his car, and Connor couldn't help but think that despite the annoyance and resentment, that he will aways go with Jude.

“I'm so pathetic.” he thought, pretending to smile as Jude was filling him about his plans for the night. With Olivia.

“Dude.. this party is gonna be a blast. Ollie's friends are awesome!”

“I'm sure they are..” Connor said with a total resentful tone in his voice. Jude was totally oblivious, as he continued to ramble about his girlfriend and her friends, by the fact that Connor couldn't care less.

 


	2. Chapter 2.

 

 

Jude never felt this awkward before while hanging out with Connor.

They were both sitting on the couch, controllers in their hands, eyes glued to the screen.

Jude desperately wanted to talk, to say something.. even the stupidest thing.

He didn't like that heavy silence, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like _them._

He peeked at Connor, looking carefully at him. He was trying to find what changed between the two of them.

“Um..” Jude cleared his throat, trying to get Connor's attention. Video games  be damned. He felt highly frustrated by the awkward silence.

“Yeah?” Connor asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the tv screen.

“Tell me something.” Jude said “I feel like we haven't talked in forever.”

Connor gave a snort.

“What I'm supposed to say? There's nothing exciting going on in my life. "

Jude felt hurt by Connor's dismissive and sharp tone.

“What about you?” Connor said, giving him a quick glance, before going back to his game. 

“I feel like I talk a lot about me.. “Jude mumbled “ and Olivia.” Jude added with low voice.

Connor gave him a strange look.  
“Obviously, You're in love with her.” Connor replied matter of factly.

Jude felt a soft blush spreading on his cheeks, artfully avoiding Connor's question. Instead he asked, “What about you?”

Connor finally looked at him, “What about me?”

Jude dropped his controller next to Connor's, facing him on the couch.

“Do you like someone?"

Jude watched Connor swallowing thickly, as a blush started creeping across his face.

“No..” He replied, shaking his head.

“ _Why I have the feeling that it's not true?”_ Jude thought.

“No one?” Jude insisted, feeling his chest lifting up in deep breaths.

“No one.” Connor confirmed, smiling softly.

“How is that even possible?” Jude asked, letting out a giggle. “Every girl in our grade is in love with you.”  
Connor laughed, shaking his head in amusement.

“No they're not.”

“I think you're wrong Stevens.” Jude replied “ Every girl in our grade is drooling over you, daydreaming about you and doodling your name in their notebooks.”

That elicited copious waves of laughter out of the two boys.

Once Connor sobered up, he gave a light push on his friend's arm.

“They're not. And even if they were, I'm not interested in any of them.”

Jude felt his eyebrows raising in confusion. He never understood why Connor never went on a date, or told him about a cute girl..

“Everyone wants to have sex with you, and some mention that they want you to be their first” Jude laughed, As he recalled a few girls chatting about that particular topic in the hallways.

“I know! It's so old school” Connor replies with an amused laugh “but I'm waiting for the right person” the blonde boy confessed, looking straight into Jude's eyes.

Jude's breath itched at the intensity of Connor's gaze.

“I want my first time to be with someone I love" Connor continues, as a blush forms on his cheek.

“Oh..” Jude said, gulping. His own cheeks start to feel flushed. 

“ _Why it's so hot in here?”_ Jude thought.

“Have you?”

“What?”

Connor cleared his throat, fiddling with his hands.

“Have you had sex with Olivia?”

In that moment Jude's face was completely red.

“Um.. No.” He replied, shaking his head. “No.. I haven't.”

Connor surprised eyes lifted up, looking straight into Jude's.

“What?” Jude asked, noticing his friend's face filled with surprise.

“Um, nothing. I thought you and Olivia...” Jude interrupted him, letting out a nervous laugh, nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“We haven't.” Jude rushed to say. “She wants to, but I'm not sure..”

“What's stopping you?” Connor asked, feeling his heart sinking at the thought.

  


“I'm not sure if I'm in love with her.” Jude replied. Connor felt the slightest bit of hope cracking up through his body, but deep down he knew he was being delusional. Jude would never feel that way about him. 

“You guys are inseparable..” Connor pointed out, feeling a pain in his chest just thinking about them in the parking lot.

“It's not the physical closeness that matters Connor.” Jude replied “It's more like the connection between two people, the bond, the complicity.”

“It's feeling safe.” Jude added, letting out a sigh.

Connor nodded, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

“You feel like that when you're with Olivia?” Connor asked, feeling afraid of the answer.

“Not yet.” Jude replied, shrugging. “Maybe I will someday but not now. "

“No one is forcing you to have sex with her, Jude. You have to feel right about that step, otherwise you will end up regretting it.” Connor commented.

“I actually had sex before...” Jude confessed, dislodging his gaze from Connor. He felt bad about not telling him that before, and the way Connor's eyes were widening in surprise and hurt, which made him feel worse.

“Oh..” Connor simply replied. Then, after few seconds of awkward silence he asked:

“H-how was it?”

Jude felt blindsided by that question, he looked up at Connor and he had a curious expression on his face.

He wasn't pissed at him, he looked truly curious.

“Honestly.. It's not like everyone describes it.” Jude said, letting out a bitter laugh.

“What do you mean?”

Jude shifted uncomfortably on the couch, the topic still made him feel uncomfortable.

“It never felt right, you know? I've always thought that I would have felt the sparks, the electricity, the passion.” Jude explained, giving a small laugh.

“You hadn't?” Connor asked.

“It was more like.. physical sex, the passion of the act was only on the surface. It was Just a connection between two bodies.” Jude said.

“I should have felt warmth and steam and heat.. but I actually felt coldness.” Connor nodded.

“Well.. I think you're doing the right thing, waiting.”

Jude just smiled at Connor. It had been a while since the last time he felt so connected with him.

“I missed this.” Jude said, giving him a smile. “I missed my best friend.”

“I missed you too.”

  


“I'm so sorry if I've been so unavailable, lately.” Jude told him, his lips tugging down in a sad frown. “I've been a terrible friend.”

Connor's hand touched his arm, and Jude felt a odd wave of goosebumps running on his skin.

“Just.. don't do that again.” Connor said with a reassuring smile on his lips.

“I won't "Jude reassured him. “I promise.”

They stayed in complete silence for a while. Just sitting contentedly in each other's company. Then Jude broke the silence.

“Hey, what are you doing tonight?”

“Probably just hiding in my room, as far away as possible from my father.” Connor shrugged. “Why?”

“I'm going to a party at Ollie's friend place. Do you want to come?”

Connor felt hesitant, he didn't want to be intrusive.

“I don't know Jude..”

“Oh come on!” Jude whined with an adorable pout of his lips. “It's gonna be fun! I promise.”

Jude was looking at him with Bambi eyes, batting his eyelashes, tearing down every bit of hesitation Connor had left.

“Fine..” Jude couldn't contain his excitement and he hugged Connor.

“It's gonna be so much fun!” Jude squeaked with joy. “It's gonna be a night you will never forget!”

Jude's happiness was contagious, so Connor ended up smiling brightly at his friend, looking forward to spend some time together at the party.  
  
---


	3. chapter 3.

 

 

Jude stood completely still, not sure about what to say or what do to calm the raging fury on his girlfriend's face.  
“What is the big deal?" Jude thought, as he touched her, trying to calm her down, but she slapped his hand away. 

“Ollie..”

Her eyes widened and she said “Don't Ollie me!!!

“I don't  understand why you're so angry about this..” Jude mumbled.

“You should have asked me before inviting strangers to hang out with us!” Olivia retorted. 

Jude felt anger, towards his girlfriend, rising up from the pit of the stomach.

Firstly, he felt angry that Olivia was referring to his best friend as a stranger. Secondly, she has the audacity to demand that he consult his girlfriend about inviting said best friend. 

“She's insane.” Jude thought.

“He's not a stranger.” Jude replied in a clipped tone, "he is Connor.”

She didn't reply, just stood there, crossing her arms and tapping her foot, with her face twisted in a bitchy expression. “ He's Connor..” She mocked. "I am so sick of this. Do you realize that you talk non stop about him. How is that supposed to make me feel?!" Olivia exclaimed. 

Jude felt his blood boil. "Who the fuck does she think she is," Jude thought. 

“He's my best friend.” Jude said with voice firm. “And I invited him. Deal with it. 

“Well.. then you should go with him.”

“What?” Jude asked, taking a step closer to his girlfriend. “Ollie, don't be like this.”

Olivia took a step backward,  “I'm not going.” She stared at Jude for a moment and added, "you have to choose who you want to go to this party with, Connor or me. 

Jude felt like he was kicked in the gut. He wanted to go with his girlfriend, but he also wanted his best friend there. He stared helplessly at Olivia as Connor's words echoed in his head. 

“ _Just.. don't do that again.”_

He closed his eyes, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

“I can't.” he mumbled as Ollie's eyes widened. “You should go.” She said sharply, opening the door for him. She stared at him coldly. 

“Olivia..” Jude pleaded 

“I'm not coming to this party , Jude.”

Jude walked past her small frame, as she was keeping the door open for him, and headed straight towards his car.

  
Jude let out a deep sigh as soon as he got to the Stevens residence, turning off the engine of his car.

He pulled out his phone and sent Connor a text.

“I'm outside your house, dude.” 

After few minutes, Jude saw his friend rushing towards his car with a huge grin on his face.

“Hey!” Connor said opening the car. 

“Hi, Connor.” Jude replied with a soft smile.

Connor turned around, glancing quickly at the backseat, before a confused frown started creeping across his face.

“Where's Olivia?” Connor asked as Jude started the engine.  Jude shrugged, saying that she couldn't make it.

They made it to the party , and Connor was quickly introduced to everyone.

“They seems nice.” Connor commented.

“They're alright.” Jude replied

Connor glanced at him" _What happened?" Connor thought. " Why is Jude acting strangely? Did they break up?"_

“Are you okay?” Connor asked him at some point, watching the other kids  drinking and grinding against each other to the sound of the music. 

Jude just nodded, before giving Connor a fond look.

“What?”

“Nothing, I'm just glad you're here.” Jude admitted as a soft blush appeared on his cheeks.

“Me too.”

They spend a while just talking and laughing until Jonah, Ollie's friend, approached them engaging in an endless conversation with Connor.

Jude tried to not to think about what happened with Olivia, but everytime he thought about what she said about Connor.. he felt his body shake with rage.

Connor was an amazing person and didn't deserved such treatment from her. 

_“I need a drink”_ He decided.

He crossed the room, stopping in front of the alcohol table, which was littered with red cups. Without a second thought, he picked one up and lifted it to his lips. He gulped it down in one swift moment. He put the cup down, blinking few times.

He felt chills traveling down his whole body, as a warmth spread through him. For a brief moment, he forget all about the drama, Olivia's jealousy and her attitude towards Connor. His mind felt blank and light and he didn't want it to stop. He followed the drink with a second and a then a third, feeling the liquid burning down his throat. 

“Why do my legs feel like jelly"  Jude thought, as he was approaching Connor.

Connor's back was turned towards him, so it was Jonah who pointed at Jude with a concerned look on his face.

Connor quickly turned around, shock and disbilief written across his face.

“Jude!”

“Hey, Connor!!” Jude blurted out, with an extremely exhilarated pitch in his voice.

“Are you drunk?” Connor was clearly shocked as he grabbed him by his arms, holding him up.

“No!” Jude said with a pout that quickly turned into a cheeky smile. “Yes.” He laughed, loudly.

Connor wasn't laughing, his face was flooded with anger and concern. 

“Let's dance"  Jude propositioned, as he  grabbed Connor's hand and pulled him to the dance floor. 

Connor pulled away and attempted to slow Jude down. 

“Jude, come on..” Connor said pleadingly, approaching him from behind and grabbing him by his arm. “Let's go home.”

Jude totally ignored his plea, he took a step backward ending up with his back against Connor's chest.

Connor let out a surprised gasp especially since Jude was shamelessy leaning into his body, resting his head against Connor's shoulder.  
“Jude.. what are you doing?”

“Shhhh..” Jude whispered, closing his eyes, humming the song playing in that moment.

He lifted up his hand, lacing it behind Connor's neck, feeling a strange rush of warmth settling down into his lower stomach.

He clearly felt Connor going rigid behind him, so he lifted up his eyes meeting Connor's.

Jude let out a laugh, that was half giggle and half moan, starting rubbing his ass directly against Connor's bulge.

“Jude..” Connor closed his eyes , letting out a short intake of breath.

Jude's hand started caressing the soft, blond strands as he kept moving sensually against Connor's well built chest.

He bit his lips, feeling Connor swelling into the constrained fabric of his skinny jeans as he was rubbing directly against his butt, feeling a rush of arousal spreading through his entire body.

Connor's hands instinctively moved to his hips, holding him close. He released a soft moan, when Jude's free hand joined his, softly touching his knuckles.

Connor's breath was short and uneven, letting out soft pants of pleasure. Jude was grinning at the sight, grinding harder against him

Jude grabbed his hand, slowly moving it downward.

Connor opened his eyes widely, like he'd just woken up from a dream.

“What?” Jude asked with a pout on his lips.

Connor shook his head, pulling away. The moment was over.

He grabbed Jude by his arm, leading him outside.

“Nice party!” He said with a strained smile to Olivia's friends, who were staring at the two of them in shock. 

“Goodnight bitches!” Jude screamed as he was being dragged out of the house by Connor.

“Give me your car keys.” Connor said. Jude kept laughing and shaking his finger.

“Jude, Come on.”

“No.” Jude took a step closer, lacing his arms around Connor's neck and whispering hotly in his ear.

“You want them? You have to find them.”

Connor's breath itched as he pulled away from Jude. The brunette boy was looking at him with the most amused expression on his face. Like he was having the time of his life.

“Come on, Connor.” Jude said with a teasing tone. “You can guess where they are.”

“Jude, We need to go home. You're drunk. Come on!” Connor was getting impatient and frustrated by Jude's little games.

“Do I need to strip to make it easier for you?” Jude laughed, “Okay... Here you go, Connor.”  
He started lifting up the hem of his shirt, when Connor reached out to him in two quick strides.

“Stop, Jude. I'm serious!” Connor warned him, pulling down his shirt.

“Give me the fucking, keys! Right now!”

Jude stayed in silence, looking at him with a pout on his lips.. Connor used all his self control not to kiss him.

He was so adorable.. and incredibily drunk. “and straight.” Connor's brain reminded him.

Jude obeyed, pulling his car keys out of his underwear. Connor gave him a odd look.

“Why were your keys in your underwear?”

Jude just shrugged, letting out a loud, laugh.

“Come on..” Connor said, holding him up by his arm, leading him towards Jude's car.

“Let's go home.”  
  
---


	4. chapter 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contain sexual content.

 

"Where are your moms?” Connor asked, leading Jude inside of his house. He brought an overnight bag with him because Jude had proposed a sleepover, "for old times sake."

“No idea," Jude slurred, as he held on to Connor's shoulder. “Oh..” He laughed, "they went to visit the twins at school."  He stopped suddenly, facing Connor, who was staring at Jude dumbfounded in the entry hall. Jude fixed his gaze on Connor as his lips were tugging into a devilish smile."

“Jude?” Connor asked, noticing the sudden shift in behavior.

Jude lifted his finger to his lips and whispered "shhhhh," as he walked over to Connor and started drawing lazy circles on Connor's chest. His gaze, fixed on the movements of his finger running over the soft pattern of Connor's shirt, too drunk to notice Connor's inhale. 

Jude pulled Connor close to him and whispered in his ear, "we are all alone tonight, you know what that means." He lifted his head, looking directly into Connor's eyes. 

Connor swallowed thickly, as he held Jude's gaze. "What." Connor shakily replied, voice barely above a whisper.   


Jude looked at him a moment longer before jumping back and exclaiming "Tequila shots baby!!!"

Connor stood frozen in his spot. He felt helpless and did not know what to do. Jude was uncharacteristicly drunk, and Connor did not want it to get worse.  However, Jude was recalcitrant and would likely not take no for an answer  His friend was clearly hurting and refused to talk about it. 

Connor let out a deep sigh, running his hands all over his face, before following Jude into the living room. He decided that if he participated, perhaps he could do some damage control. Jude was already sitting on the couch and Connor couldn't help but notice that everything was already set up. On the coffee table stood a salt shaker, slices of lime, two glasses, and a bottle of Cuervo. 

“Jude, I don't think this is a great idea "

Jude's smile quickly faded and he curled his lips into a pout. He got up from the couch, taking Connor's hand and purred "come on babe, let's have some fun. Connor felt the chills running up and down his spine, and acquiesced. 

Jude smirked, while filling the shot glasses with tequila. He looked at Connor and said, "have you ever done this before?" Connor shook his head, as a grin formed on Jude's face. 

"Ok, it's like this, " Jude demonstrated as he picked up the salt shaker. He gently sprinkled some salt on his arm and proceeded to lick a straight line, taking in the salt. He picked up his glass and gulped it down. He slammed down his glass and bit into the lime. "Now you try."  

Connor stared at Jude transfixed, he felt  aroused, while watching Jude take the first shot. He proceeded to sprinkle salt on his arm and dragged his tongue up the salt path. Connor drank his shot and chase it down with a lime.   


They continued this pattern for the next two shots. Suddenly, Connor's eyes widened as he watched a slow smile appear on Jude's lips. He opened his mouth to speak, but Jude gently placed a finger on Connor's lips and said "shhh, just go with it." Connor was spellbound as he watched Jude pick up the salt shaker, rubbing salt onto Connor's neck. In a swift move, Jude locked up the salt, gulping down the burning liquid. 

Connor's heart was pounding as his chest tightened, his whole body responding to Jude's touch. His pants started to feel tight. Jude smiled seductively and said "ok, it's your turn."

Connor felt paralyzed, as he stared dumbly at Jude. His body was on fire, but his brain couldn't compute what was happening. Jude laughed and picked up the salt shaker. He leaned in and whispered, "here, I'll show you." Jude poured salt in his own neck and gestured to Connor to lick him. 

Connor closed his eyes and leaned in, running his tongue over Jude's salty neck. With his eyes firmly closed, he could still feel Jude's shiver. “Um.. okay.” Jude panted. Connor lifted up his eyes and noticed that Jude was still grinning but he was also completely flushed. 

Connor held the glass, raising it to his lips, his eyes were completely fixed on Jude, who was watching him expectantly.

Connor's eyes were closed firmly as he swallowed the shot in one smooth motion. He had a disgusted frown on his face feeling the burning, raw taste of Tequila trailing down his throat. 

Connor couldn't process what was happening. He felt overwelmed by the tonight's events. First, Jude rubbing against him on the dance floor, and then doing tequila shots. In that moment,Jude was licking the salt off his neck. It was the most intense night of his life.

“Jude..” He moaned, feeling burning sensations running all over his body at the feeling of Jude's tongue lapping at his skin, as he took his next shot. 

Jude didn't seem affected. He pulled away with a cheeky smirk on his lips and without breaking eye contact with Connor, he gulped down the shot.

He pulled a face, narrowing his eyes as he held the lime to his lips, taking a bite.

As the night continued, they took turns, doing shots and laughing at each other until they were both completely drunk.

It was Connor's turn, as he poured the salt on Jude's neck, licking his lips in anticipation.

He shifted closer to his friend on the couch, leaning in and licking at the tender skin of Jude's neck. Jude let out a soft moan, closing his eyes, as he felt blood rushing to his head.

Connor apparently forgot about the shot, because he keep lapping and biting, until a dark hickey started to appear on Jude's neck. He finally pulled away, staring at Jude's face. His head was tilted to the side, panting heavily, with eyes closed in pleasure. Connor watched as Jude slowly opened his eyes. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of Jude's eyes, dark like the night.

Without breaking eyes contact, he lifted up the glass to his lips glancing at the piece of lime on Jude's hands.

“Put that in your mouth.” He ordered to Jude with a raw pitch in his voice. Jude let out a mischievous smile, before complying.

He put the lime in his mouth and Connor quickly gulped down the shot, feeling aroused by the thought of biting  that lime. 

He slammed down the glass, feeling his heart beating out of his chest. He leaned in until his face was mere inches away from Jude's. "Connor.” Jude let out a moan, with his mouth full of lime. Connor laughed, shaking his head, before biting on the lime. He'd never been so physically close to Jude. He was terrified, but at the same time, he could feel intense sparks of electricity crackling between them. He leaned into Jude, moving his lips closer, as he bit into the lime. He could feel their lips touch, as goosebumps were running up and down his skin.

Jude's eyes widened momentarily as he laced his hands behind Connor's neck. Without a second thought, Connor, grabbed the lime with his teeth and spit it on the floor.  Jude's breath hitched at the proximity of their lips. He had never felt so turned on in his entire life. He grabbed Connor by the back of his neck pulling him in a open mouthed kiss.

The moment their lips touched, their hands were roaming  all over each other's bodies. Their hands were traveling from their shoulders, to their chest  touching, grabbing, and clinging to each other desperately. 

It wasn't gentle, soft, or romantic. It was filled with passion, hunger and lust.

“Jude..” Connor moaned the moment he pulled away to finally catch his breath. They looked at each other, breathing heavily. Jude's eyes were dark, lustful, and unwilling to stop.

Connor was panting, overwhelmed by feelings of pleasure running down his spine, when Jude surprised him by lifting up the hem of his shirt.

“Jude.. what are you doing?” He breathed out, lifting up his arms. Jude grinned, while taking off Connor's shirt off and throwing it messily on the floor. He quickly discarded his own shirt and picked up the salt shaker, slowly pouring salt on Connor's chest, licking his lips in anticipation. 

Connor felt his dick swelling in the constricting pattern of his jeans, guessing what was about to happen. He closed his eyes, inhaling sharply, as Jude's tongue was dancing over his chest. 

“Oh Fuck, Jude.” Connor was panting so much, he didn't even know how he was able to breath. He felt his chest constricting, deprived of air.

Jude, letting out a hot moan as he trailed down his tongue all over his nipples. 

Connor was a ball of lust. He felt like putty in Jude's skilled hands. He couldn't help but lift his hips seeking friction to get off with. He felt so turned on that he was afraid he was going to burst right there on Jude's moms' sofa. 

Jude pulled away and Connor whimpered at the loss of the warmth. Jude stared at him, as he swallowed down the tequila like a pro. Connor grabbed him by the belt, pulling him on top of him, sliding his tongue into Jude's open mouth. Jude's straddled Connor, as his hand slid to his hair pulling roughly at the strands. He ground down onto Connor's lap, rubbing his hard cock against Connor's crotch. 

Connor's lips started licking at Jude's salty skin, trailing down his neck as Jude, still moaning, grabbed his hand moving it downwards. Connor complied, eagerly making contact with Jude's erection.

“Oh my God, Jude..” He panted against his neck while Jude kept grinding down  on his lap. “Do you feel that, Connor?” Jude asked teasingly, licking the shell of his ear. “You do this to me.”

Jude's words sparked a deeper level of arousal, as his hands start fiddling with Jude's belt. Jude lifted up on his knees, pulling off his belt and pants before pulling down Connor's zipper.

“Let's make things more interesting.” Jude proposed with a smirk.  He got up from his lap, pulling Connor's jeans off.

His lips parted in surprise, staring at Connor's huge erection peeking out from his underwear. He let out a satisfied laugh before pulling it down, leaving Connor completely naked, at his mercy.

“Jude!” Connor exclaimed with eyes blown wide. 

“Trust me baby, you're gonna love this” Jude reassured him with a bold expression on his face, trickling the salt on the underside of his dick and closing his lips around the gland.

“Oh, Jesus fucking...” Connor jumped slightly, letting out a breathless gasp. “Christ.”

Jude smirked at him while bobbing his head up and down, giving Connor the most intense pleasure of his life. He pulled away, after a while, leaving Connor unhappy and still leaking.

“Wh-” He couldn't finish uttering those words, because Jude climbed on his lap again connecting their lips in a hungry kiss.

“Fuck me.” Connor moaned, pulling Jude's brief down. “Right now.”

Jude lifted up on his knees, taking off his briefs. He grabbed Connor's hand and dragged him upstairs to his bedroom. He proceeded to push Connor up against the door and kissed him passionately, their cocks rubbing together. Jude looked down and saw their dicks, wet and sliding together, and he let out a moan. He turned Connor around, and started to kiss the back of his neck, grinding his crouch agains Connor's tight ass. 

Connor moaned and writhed as he felt Jude's hot tongue. He felt Jude move from his neck, down his back, and landed right above his ass. Jude fell to his knees, slowly opening Connor's ass cheeks. Connor gasped as he felt Jude's tongue sliding into his ass. Connor moaned in pleasure, as Jude ate him out. All of a sudden he felt an emptiness. He looked behind him and saw that Jude had moved away. "where the hell are you going?" Connor growled in frustration. 

Jude laughed as he rummaged through his nightstand, taking out a tube of lube and a condom.  He walked back over to Connor and guided him to his bed 

“Lie down baby" Jude whispered, pouring some lube on his fingers.

Connor followed Jude's instruction, feeling his heart pounding in his chest at a scary, intense pace.  
“Jude.” He let out a moan, as soon as Jude's fingers made contact with the tight rings of muscles.

“Shh..” Jude's voice was soft and soothing. He kissed him on the lips as soon as his fingers started pushing inside.

Connor tried to kiss him back, but he felt like he couldn't breathe. The sensations were too much, intense and overwelming.

He was a trembling mess underneath Jude, who kept looking at him with pride and satisfaction on his face.

“Jude.. get inside, I need you.”

Jude complied, quickly slicked up his dick and slid on a condom. Slowly and tenderly, he pushed inside, because even though he was drunk, he didn't want to hurt Connor.

Connor's hand laced behind his neck, clinging to him with every fiber of his being. Jude started laying kisses all over his face, trying to distract him from the pain.

After the first waves of pain, Connor's started to relax.. and Jude could feel that he was giving him pleasure. He quickened his pace, pounding into Connor. Connor's face was exuding pleasure, and his moans could be heard down the street. Connor opened his eyes and looked fondly at the guy on top of him. Jude looked him, feeling a rush of emotion, as something changing deeply within him.

With their eyes locked on one another, Jude continued to thrust at the same spot over and over again, noticing how Connor was shivering and morning every time he hit that spot.

“I'm almost there, Jude.”

Jude didn't reply, he lowered his mouth, capturing Connor's lips in a hot open mouthed kiss.

He was there too, hitting him like lightening. "Connor!” He screamed reaching the edge of his orgasm. Connor started shaking underneath him, reaching his own climax.

The both of them stayed still in each other's arms, breathing heavily against their skin. They closed their eyes drifting off to sleep almost immediately, drowning in the intensity of the night.  
  
---


	5. chapter 5.

 

 

Jude groaned as he slowly opened his eyes, feeling a sharp pain running through his head.

“Shit..” he groaned, closing his eyes and running his hands over his face.

The pain was unbearable, he was feeling like he had been run over by a Mack truck. 

Jude looked down at himself, noticing that he was completely naked. He furrowed his brow and looked around the room. It was though his brain was trying to tell him something but couldn't figure out what it was.  He looked to the left of him, as he felt something in his bed move. He noticed Connor, lying next to him, also completely naked. 

Jude felt his eyes widen in horror as last night's events flooded him. “Oh my God. What did I do..” He gasped, looking down at Connor's naked frame, sleeping soundly next to him. He started hyperventilating, running his hands through his hair. 

“Oh God.” He exhaled, trying to keep his breathing even.

He tried to move without waking Connor, but his plan failed as he slammed his leg against Connor, causing him to stir. Connor was lying on his stomach, one arm falling off the bed and his other arm was resting on Jude's hip.

Connor slowly opened his eyes, taking in the details of the room, realizing where he was. He slowly turned to face Jude, who was looking looking at Connor, shock written all over his face. Their eyes locked, as they kept staring at one another

“Good morning.” Connor uttered out, not being able to come up with something better to say. 

“Hey..” Jude breathed out, looking at his friend with huge, dilated eyes.

“Um.. What exactly happened?” Connor asked seeming completely oblivious. Jude thought, "Seriously? You don't remember?” but he bit his tongue, reasoning that Connor likely forgot, which meant last night's events could be erased from his memory. 

Connor jumped up from the bed and he was rushing to gather all of his clothes from the floor. He quickly dressed himself and slowly turned his face towards Jude, who was still frozen on the bed. 

"Earth to Jude" Connor said, awaking Jude from his stupor. Jude quickly leapt from the bed, throwing on sweat pants, following Connor out of the room and down the stairs 

“How much did we drink last night?” Connor asked, letting out a strained laugh, giving a quick glance at shot glasses on the coffee table in the living room. 

“A lot.. apparently.” Jude replied, sitting on the couch

“We even fell asleep naked.” Connor laughed. Jude's face fell at Connor's assertion.

“So he really doesn't remember..” Jude thought, letting out a sigh. He was stumped about how to proceed. Did he really want to bring it up? Did he really want to ruin his relationship with Olivia, or more importantly, his friendship with Connor.. just because of a drunken mistake? 

" But.... Was it a mistake? Jude shook his head, as he could not allow himself to go there right now. 

“I-I'm gonna go..” Connor announced. Jude got up from the couch, and accompanied Connor to the front door. He held it opened for him, and Connor walked past him, stepping outside, facing Jude.

“Thank you..” Connor mumbled, as a confusion and panic passed quickly through Jude. 

“For what?” He hoped he wasn't referring to their sexual performance.

“For inviting me to the party.” Connor replied with voice low. “It was fun..”  
“Oh..” Jude let out a sigh of relief,  “You're welcome.”

Connor cracked a soft smile, I'm going.” Connor said, turning his back towards Jude.

“Connor wait!” Connor turned around with wide eyes, looking at Jude expectedly. 

Jude felt himself dying of embarrassment, looking down at the ground.

“For.. taking care of me.” He said and then considering Connor's quizzical expression he added. "Last night, you took care of me..... At the party.. I appreciate it.”

“Oh.” Connor sighed, that's what friends are for, right?”

“Yeah..” Jude agreed, his voice filled with unspoken feelings. He wanted to say a lot of things but in that moment his mind was a blur. He needed some time to think and sort out everything that was running through his mind. 

Jude closed the door, leaning his back against the cold surface, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. He folded his legs, cupping his face into his hands, before bursting out in tears. “ _What have I done?” Jude thought._

 

\------------------

Connor, walking quickly down the side walk, feeling like he was chewed up, spit out, and chewed up again. He remembered..... Of course he remembered. Despite the persistent hangover running through his body, his mind was flooded with memories. Every detail, every touch, and every sensation of his first time was burned into his brain. 

He felt tears threatening to fall as he walked into the park. He couldn't go home, not in such a state. His father would have noticed and he didn't feel like giving him an explanation 

He sat underneath a large tree, resting with his back against the trunk. He felt panic rushing through his body as he considered last night's events.

He lost his virginity..... To Jude, his friend.... His best friend...His  _Straight_ best friend.

“This is such a mess..” Connor breathed out, wiping some sweat off his forehead.

He wasn't exactly regretting it. Connor loved Jude more than just as his best friend. Connor has always wanted to lose his virginity to someone he loved. In a way, this is a dream come true. He couldn't forget the teasing strokes of Jude's fingers, or the lapping circular movements of his tongue. He loved how sweet and caring Jude had been when he pushed inside of him and he'd made sure he wasn't hurting him.

However, this is also his worst nightmare. Last time he checked, Jude was not only straight but has a girlfriend. He did not believe that Jude would ever see him more than just a friend. Last night, Jude was clearly hurting, he had consumed a mass quantity of alcohol and completely lost control. He couldn't love Connor like that....Jude would never see him as more than his best friend... His platonic best friend. 

He let out a deep sigh, that realization hitting him deeply. He thought again about Jude and how he reacted back at the house. Did he really forget? Is his brain so completely fuzzy that he just completely blocked out the previous night's events? Did he really believe that they were naked because they were drunk? These burning questions stayed on Connor's mind, well aware that he will never get a response.

Connor's biggest fear was that everything will change, that their interactions will become weird and awkward. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Jude. Even though Jude will never seen him as a boyfriend, the idea of not having Jude as a friend, shook him to the core. The only solution is to continue to pretend like nothing had ever happened, for the sake of their friendship. Even if it meant breaking his own heart and shutting down any feelings that he has for Jude that is not friendship. 

\----

Jude was sitting on the beach, trying to clear his mind. 

He felt so stupid, losing control like that.. He feared that he has ruined everything between himself and Connor.  His mind was bursting with millions of thoughts, as he listened to the waves crashing. 

He had sex with a guy, with his best friend to be exact. “What the hell have I done..” He mumbled, feeling a sharp pain in his chest. What does this mean? Does this make him gay? He has never felt attracted to a boy before. His mind replaying last night's events, as he felt chills running down his body. 

He really enjoyed having sex with Connor, more than he was willing to admit. It felt sparkling and exciting, and he has never felt like this before.

It scared the hell out of Jude because he didn't know what to do with the fact that he loved fucking a guy, but not just a guy....Connor, his best friend in the world. Connor was his first friend and anchor beach, and he loved him with an intensity that he didn't know he could feel for a person of the same gender. 

But what did this mean? Jude has always been attracted to girls. He liked Olivia, _a lot,_  her cheery personality and her smart mind:  likes reading books and listening to classical music. Obviously he was physically attracted to her. He is constantly checking her out; She is curvy, a bit shorter than him, with dark hair and sparkling blue eyes. He loved to hold her in his arms as  they kissed, and loved feeling her breasts pressed against his chest. It always felt good and pleasurable whenever they made out. They haven't had sex yet, but Jude has been wanting to for quite sometime. 

With Connor, he felt like his brain was melting. Everything he ever thought about attraction just flew out the window. He felt such a strong bond and connection between the two of them, triggering a powerful lust. Last night, he felt as though his mind had completely stopped functioning. His body moving on its own accord. His own goal was to give Connor pleasure with his tongue, his fingers, his cock; it was burning, exciting, and completely new to him.

He'd always seen Connor as his best friend.. and he wasn't willing to let things change. Connor was straight, he thought, Jude was straight and has a girlfriend. Everything is feeling like a big fucking mess. 

Jude's mind quickly snapped out of his thoughts as he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled his phone out, his heart pounding out of his chest. He looked down and saw it was Olivia. He felt a sigh of relief as he picked up. 

"Hey Olivia..." Jude spoke into the phone. "Uh huh... I get that you are sorry, but you were completely irrational and overdramatic yesterday....... Okay...... Okay, I'm on my way." Jude quickly hung up, putting his phone back in his pocket.   


Jude got up on shaky legs, and took one last look at the water. He watched the waves crash, feeling like they mirrored the waves of his heart. 

He walked back to his car, climbed in, and paused before he ignited the engine. He picked up his phone, scrolling through his photos, landing on one of himself and Connor. He felt himself smile sadly, placing his phone on the seat next to him. He wiped a tear from his eye, as he started up his car. He sighed, taking one last look at the ocean, as he sped away into the sunlight.   
  
---


	6. chapter 6.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is entirely written by SB1! :)

 Jude was pacing back and forth, watching Olivia, who was sitting on the couch in her living room, arms folded across her chest. Jude looked over and saw the look of irritation on her face. This pissed him off because she did not have any right to be irritated at him, she was the one who started the fight and ditched him for no reason.

 Jude stopped pacing and sat down in an arm chair, seated directly across the couch. He put his foot on the coffee table, deliberately to annoy her; Olivia looked down at his foot and rolled her eyes. Jude stared at her and said "okay, talk."  
  
 Olivia sighed, "look Jude, I'm sorry okay. I was being a total bitch yesterday and was completely out of line." She unfolded her arms, placing her hands on her lap. She hung her head, gently biting her bottom lip. Jude watched her closely, noticing a tear fall down her cheek. Jude felt his stomach starting to clench, as he continued to observe her. She raised her head, tears were streaming down her face.

 "I get that Connor is important to you and that you love him," her voice broke. I feel like I'm always in a competition with him, It's always 'Connor this, Connor that.' It is as though we are in some kind of weird ménage a trois," Olivia looked into Jude's eyes. "Sometimes, I just want it to be us."

 Jude sighed, as he lay his head back on the top of the chair, fingers taping against the arms. "Ollie, I'm sorry you feel like this. I don't mean to make you feel bad or excluded, but Connor is my best friend. He means the world to me." Jude shifted his gaze, as thoughts of last night crept into his mind. Maybe Connor means more to him than he thought. He looked back up at Olivia, guilt clouding him. Not only may have he irrevocably ruined his relationship with Connor, but he cheated on his girlfriend, whom he loved. Jude paused for a second, still lost in his thoughts. Shit, does he love her? He knows he likes spending time with her, and is insanely attracted to her. But, does she invoke passion in him? Does she make him feel like there is no one else in the world? Is he in love with her?  
  
Jude looked back up at Olivia, staring at her as though he were seeing her for the first time.

 "Jude?" Olivia questioned, as he had become quiet and was acting strangely. "Are you ok." Jude swallowed, rising from his chair and joining Olivia on the couch. He lifted up her chin, staring deeply into her blue eyes. He was searching for something, but wasn't quite sure what. He moved closer to Olivia, and kissed her.  
  


 Olivia let out a gasp, and moved closer to Jude. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. He tried to lose himself in the kiss, but his head would not quiet down. He was enjoying himself, but the kiss lacked the passion and heat that he felt with Connor. He moved his hand up her thigh, and mourned the fact that he did not feel the same energy, the same spark.

 He pulled away, after a few minutes, and looked at Olivia. She seemed content, as she snuggled up next to him. "Jude," Olivia breathed. "That was amazing. She cuddled up next to him. "I'm sorry again about Connor. I will try and be more inclusive with him. I guess, I just worry because he clearly has feelings for you, more than friendship."

 Jude pulled back, feeling as though the wind was knocked out of him. "What did you just say?" Jude asked carefully.

 Olivia shot him a strange look, "Jude, don't tell me that you haven't noticed. He looks at you as though the sun rises and sets in you. If you weren't my boyfriend, I would actually think it is adorable."

 "Bu..bu..but Connor is straight!" Jude said weakly, trying to make sense of Olivia's statement.

 Olivia snorted, "Seriously, you think he is straight. He is one of the best looking guys in our grade. Girls throw themselves at him but he is never interested. Plus, I have caught him checking out some of the guys in school. Connor is definitely gay, and he definitely has feelings for you. I'd be worried, if I didn't know any better."

 Jude felt the room spinning around him and his whole body going cold. His palms were sweating and he was seeing double. He felt as though he was going to be sick. Connor gay? Connor having feelings for him? This just confused him more. "Does this make me gay?" Jude thought to himself. Not that he had a problem with it, but he never felt like this before about another guy. Another horrible thought occurred to him, "OMG, if Connor has feelings for me, did I hurt him?" The last thing Jude ever wanted to do was hurt his best friend. But he was so confused. He just stared dumbly at Olivia, unable to control the thoughts and feelings, which were attacking his mind.

 "Jude, you are acting weird again." She placed a hand on his leg. "Look, I get it,  it's a shock, finding out that your best friend is gay and has feelings for you. You just have to let him down gently. This may help, do you remember my friend Jonah? He was at the party last night?" Jude nodded as Olivia continued, "well he texted this morning asking for Connor's number. He said they spoke for a while last night and he felt a connection." Olivia clasped her hands together in delight. "Can you imagine, if the two of them get together?!? We could hang out all the time and you would never have to choose between us again."

 Jude felt as though he was punched in the gut. He kept hearing words but wasn't processing anything. "Connor and Jonah" "never have to choose between us again." Jude stood up, feeling his legs wobbling beneath him. He couldn't think, felt like everything was losing focus. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He looked down at Olivia, who was staring up at him expectedly. He grabbed her by the hand, pulling her next to him, and kissing her hard. He moved his hands up her back as she melted into the kiss. Jude pulled away and looked at her for a moment. He still didn't feel the same passion but he needed this confusion to go away. He opened his mouth and uttered the worst five words in the English language, "Olivia, make love to me."


	7. chapter 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SB1 will take over on writing this story from now on.

Jude lay on his back, staring at the ceiling of Olivia's bedroom. He can't believe what just happened. "Ok Jude, get a grip" he think to himself. So many emotions are swirling though his mind; shame, sadness, anger..... He just doesn't know what to think.

 He turns to look at Olivia, who is lying next to him. She is turned sideways, hand propped on her cheek. Her face is blank, as she stares at him. "Jude." She says tentatively, as she starts to stroke his arm, "hey, it's ok, this happens to everyone."

 Jude scoffs, "did she really just say that?" He thinks, "isn't that like the biggest cliche in the sex handbook.

 Olivia smiles and tries to cuddle up with him, "It's ok, everyone gets nervous their first time, it's a lot of pressure. We can try again." She coos and she moves closer. She leans in to kiss him but Jude jerks away. "No! he exclaims loudly.

 Olivia looks at him in surprise, "Jude..... What......." Her voice trails off at the look on his face.

 "Ollie," Jude sighs, "I'm sorry."

 "For what?" Olivia looked at him in confusion.

Jude looked at Olivia contritely, "for everything. I wasn't honest with you."

 Olivia continued to stare at him, her face contorting into a frown, "what do you mean?" Jude detected a slight edge in her tone.

 Jude sighed, "look, I like you a lot and enjoy hanging out with you. But I have been confused about my feelings. I thought that if we had sex it would clear things up. Since I couldn't..." Jude felt his face heat up from humiliation. "Well, I think that it is just my body telling me what my brain already knows."

 Jude wanted to sink into the floor as he thought to himself "OMG Jude, shut the hell up, you are talking too much and it's making this worse."

 Olivia's eyes grew wide and her face opened and closed several a times. A few seconds pass by, which feel like hours to Jude, as he watches Olivia's face completely freeze up. "So what you are telling me, " she finally says, "is that you can't 'get it up' because of me?!?!?"

 On the last word, her voice elevated by at least three octaves. "Are you fucking kidding me." She shrieks.

 Jude stands helplessly, as he watches Olivia melt down. He didn't know how to proceed. He knows that he made a complete mess of things, allowing his confusion to completely override his common sense and hurting everyone around him. He realizes now that he can no longer be with Olivia because he doesn't and never will, love her.

 "Olivia, I'm so sorry..... But it's over." Jude says quietly.

 Olivia's eyes grow wide and she lets out an ear splitting screech. "Fuck you Jude Foster, " and storms out of the room. Jude follows quickly as she angrily makes her way into the front hall. She flings open the door and pushes Jude out. He falls over, ass backwards, on the patio. Olivia hovers over him and hisses "you will rue the day you crossed me you son of a bitch. I will make you pay. She turns on her heels, stomping back into the house, and slamming the door.

 Jude is in stunned silence. He knows Olivia had a flair for the dramatics but this one is Oscar worthy. He gets up slowly, wincing at the slight pain in his body and makes his way over to the car. The past 36 hours, although heart wrenching, have made things crystal clear. He is in love with Connor and he can't deny it anymore. He felt it the first time that he saw him, back in the 7th grade. Blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a smile that could light up a million rooms. Jude remembers that he felt like an arrow pierced  heart, but he would never allow himself to feel it. He would continue to deny these feelings because they were foreign and confusing. Well he can't deny them anymore. Due to his cowardice, he has now left a trail of destruction. Jude feels a chill as he recalls Olivia's words "Connor is definitely gay and definitely has feelings for you." Jude reels at this as another memory strikes him. He recalls Connor's words from the day before "I want my first time to be with someone I love." Jude grips the steering wheel, feeling as though he is going to be ill at any moment. "OMG, what have I done," Jude thinks to himself. "Connor may have feelings for me and I was so selfish and stupid. I took his virginity without a second thought and then let him run out of my house, thinking that I forgot. " Feelings of horror and shame come rushing through him, " I was so selfish, worrying about my own confusion. I have to make this right." Jude peels out of Olivia's driveway, speeding away to get to his love.

 


	8. chapter 8.

"Dad?" Connor calls as he walks into his house. After spending a couple of hours at the park, he finally decides to come home. His head continues to pound, his body aches and his butt is tender. His father does not appear to be home, so Connor opts to take a hot bath. He read online that a bath can be soothing after having anal sex for the first time. He feels safe because the house is empty. Connor almost never takes a bath, which would cause his father to know something is up. 

  
Connor has known that he was gay since the age of 10 when he had his first crush on Daniel Harris, a boy in his class. He quickly adjusted to the idea and doesn't really feel any shame. There are a number  gay kids at his school, in fact Anchor Beach recently started a GSA. Despite the safety in his school, Connor opts to stay closeted, mainly because of his father.

Adam is old school, and has, on more than one occasion, made a homophobic remark, which always hurts Connor. His father is constantly harassing him to get himself a "girlfriend," which Connor deflects. He was never interested in a "beard" because he knew he had Jude. However, in 9th grade, Jude started dating this girl named Chloe and his father's nagging about a girlfriend became nonstop. So, he decided to date Daria, one of the most popular girls in the grade. However, Connor's heart was not in the relationship, causing Daria to quickly figure out that he is gay. At first she was pissed, but after Connor explained things, she agreed to play along. Jude broke up with Chloe halfway through freshman year, causing Connor to follow suit with Daria. She is now dating a kid on his baseball team, and she and Connor have remained good friends. In fact, she is the only person who knows his secret.  
Connor had a reprieve for a while but since Jude started dating Olivia at the beginning of Junior year, his father's nagging has started again. However, Connor just doesn't have the energy to fake it again. "One day, I'll be able to tell him the truth," Connor muses, as he starts to fill the tub. "Just not today."

Connor quickly strips off his grimy clothing. He lets out a pleasurable sigh as he feels the steam rise up in the room. He turns off the water and lowers himself into the tub. Leaning back and closing his eyes, he enjoys the feel of the hot water soothing his sore behind.  
After a few blissful moments, he hears his phone ringing. Glancing at it quickly, he sees a strange number. Thinking it might be an emergency, he quickly picks up the call.

Connor?" A strange voice asks

"Yes?" Connor replies

"Ummm, hey. This is Jonah Thompson, we met last night at Lindsay's party. "

"Oh, hey. What's up man?" Connor is puzzled, what could Jonah want from him and how did he get his number.

"So...... This is kind of awkward because I don't know... Well, ok, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee or a bite to eat or something?" Jonah asks timidly

Connor's eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. What does he mean by this. Connor's heart starts to pound. How does this kid know his innermost secret.

"Go out as in......" Connor trails off

"Um, you know, a date." Jonah continues, "I felt like we sort of had a connection last night. I haven't really seen you date much, so I thought maybe there is a possibility that you are gay.... But I wasn't sure. So I called Olivia this morning, who told me that you are, and gave me your number."

Connor stood there dumbfounded.  How the hell could Olivia know he is gay. Does Jude know? Did he tell her? No way, he would never do that. "Get a grip Connor", after taking a deep breath, he says, "look Jonah, you seem really cool and I'd love to hang out as friends but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. It's sort of complicated," Connor says thinking not only of his father but of what happened last night with Jude.  
"Because of Jude?" Jonah asks, disappointment clear in his voice.

"Umm what?" Connor says.

"Well you two seemed pretty cozy last night on the dance floor. For a second I thought maybe there was something between you but he was clearly wasted and is in love with Olivia.

Jonah's words feel like a knife is stabbing him in the gut. He knows that Jude is straight and he knows that Jude is with Olivia, but love? Didn't he just say that he didn't know if he loved her? Like, didn't he say this yesterday?

"Connor man, you alright?" Jonah asks, voice filled with concern "You got quiet all of a sudden.

Connor quickly snaps back to reality. Sorry man. Look, Jonah, like I said it's complicated... For different reasons. I'm not really out to anyone; I'm surprised Olivia knows because I haven't yet come out to Jude. I just don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship right now." Connor says, feeling a little guilty for not being completely honest with Jonah, but didn't even know where to begin with the complication known as Jude.

"I understand Connor, just know that I'm around should you change your mind." Connor and Jonah said their goodbyes.

Connor feels the water go cold, so he got out and quickly dressed himself in sweatpants and his Padres T shirt. His plan for the evening is to stay home, binge watch something on Netflix, and drown out all thoughts of Jude.

Just as he starts to turn on the iPad, he hears his phone ring again. His whole body goes rigid as he recognizes Jude's special ringtone. He debates sending it to voicemail, but instead takes a deep breath and answers. Hey dude," Connor says causally.  
"Hey man, what are you up to right now" Connor detects something in Jude's tone but can't place it. "Nothing much, about to marathon How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. I'm still a little hungover and need something funny to watch.  
Connor hears Jude's laughter, "Dude, you have seen that show so many times. You must know it by heart by now.  
Connor laughs, "I know, but I love it, especially Barney, he is my love." Connor's eyes widen as he realizes what he just said. "You know, in a manly kind of way." Connor tries to recover.  
To his relief, Jude just laughed and says "whatever you say dude. Anyway, I'm sorry you are still under the weather. I was hoping I could convince you to go for a ride. I promise we won't be out too long, I just want to talk for a bit."  
Connor's heart started to pound. Could Jude have remembered what happened between them last night? "Umm sure, I just need a few minutes to get dressed.  
"Cool, I'll be there in 10. Oh, and Connor," Connor's heart sped up some more, "I'm really looking forward to seeing you." Jude says softly.

"Me too Jude. Me too."


	9. chapter 9.

Connor feels the cool breeze wafting in from the rolled down windows in Jude's car. He looks over at Jude, humming along to the radio, fingers tapping on the steering wheel. Connor studied Jude's profile, he was so beautiful,  he took Connor's breath away. Luxurious light brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, long lashes, creamy white complexion with rosy cheeks, and luscious red lips.  
  
 Connor blushes as he thinks back to last night, Jude's incredible lips wrapped around around his cock. Connor starts to feel his cock twitch as he remembers fucking Jude's sexy mouth. He quickly turns his thoughts to anything else, puppies, kittens, landfills....

 After a few moments, they finally arrived at their destination. "Ready?" Jude smiles at Connor. Connor feels his heart racing as smiles back, while nodding his head. Jude grabs a bag, as they get out of the car. He takes Connor's arm and leads the way to their destination.

 Connor does not know where they are but he can smell the ocean. Connor lets out a gasp as they finally arrive. "OMG, what is this place?"  
  
 Jude smiles, "I found this place a couple of years ago. It is a secluded part of the beach, I come here sometimes when I feel overwhelmed and just need some alone time"  
  
 Connor nods, even though Jude has been happy and settled for the past few years with his adoptive family, Connor knows he still struggles with anxiety, due to his early years.  
  
 When Jude was 6 years old, his parents had gone out for dinner for their anniversary. How father had been driving under the influence, which cause a car accident. His mother was killed on impact and his father was arrested for vehicular manslaughter,  leaving Jude and his sister Callie to the Foster system.  
  
 They had been shuffled around so many times and Jude had been horribly mistreated. In some homes, he had been treated as a personal slave and in others he was beaten so badly that he could barely stand. Jude had told Connor of one specific occasion. He had been trying on one of his Foster mother's dresses, and was beaten so badly by his foster father that he had to be hospitalized. His sister Callie, had defended him, which landed her in juvenile detention. Jude shared with Connor that he blamed himself for that night and takes responsibility for everything that happened to Callie while in Juvie.

  
 Jude looked over at Connor, he grabbed him by the hand and says, come, let's sit down." Jude reached into his bag and pulled out a huge blanket. He gently lay it on the ground, sitting down and pulling Connor with him. They sat side by side, legs pressed together. Connor could feel the heat radiating off Jude. They didn't speak, just sitting and staring out in the ocean, watching as the sun started to set. After a while, Connor turns to Jude "have you ever brought anyone here before," Jude looks at Connor for a long moment and answer, "no, just you." Connor swallows, looking back to the ocean. Jude gently touches his arm, turning Connor back to him.

 Staring at one another, they feel the cool air dancing on their skin, but cold feel heat radiating off of each other.  "Do you remember?" Jude asks quietly. Connor feels his stomach clench. "Remember what?" He responds in a small voice. "Last night?" Jude replied. Connor remains quiet for a few moments until Jude continues. "I remember everything." Connor swallowed, his heart racing. "Me too" he whispers, eyes falling to the ground.

 Jude lifts Connor's chin and brings him eye level. He stares into Connor's hazel eyes and sees a hint of sadness that he has never noticed before. "I'm sorry that i lied, I was terrified and could only think about myself." Connor watches Jude for a moment before asking, "Terrified of what?" Jude sighs, "Of what i was feeling. It is all so confusing, I never have been attracted to a boy before, and all of a sudden, there we were......." Jude trails off.

 Connor takes a deep breath, as he waits for Jude to continue. "I just didn't want to face how i was feeling about you, my best friend. But earlier today I realized that it just doesn't matter. " Jude moved closer to Connor, as they shifted their bodies, facing each other. They sat quietly for a few minutes, listening to the crash of the waves, the wind, and their hearts beating. Finally, Jude looks deeply into Connor's eyes and says, "I don't know if I like 'guys' or not, but I don't need to know. All that matters is that I want you:"

 Connor let out a breath, that he didn't realize he was holding. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He watches as Jude as he shifts closer, pulling Connor into his arms. Jude's mouth closes over his, and kisses Connor softly. Connor lets out a gasp, lips parting slightly. Jude slips in his tongue, gently running it over Connor's. Connor could feel his whole body on fire, as he melted into their kiss. Their tongues moved together, fighting for dominance. Jude pulled Connor closer, until he was flush against him. He wrapped his legs around Connor's waist and runs his fingers through Connor's soft blond hair. Connor puts his arms around Jude, never breaking the kiss.

Their kiss feels heated and desperate, It was as though Connor had been drowning and just now coming back for air. After a few moments, they broke away, breathing heavily, staring deeply into each other's eyes. Connor could see Jude's eyes sparkling and full of love. He could feel butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.  
  
 Jude smiles, shifting their bodies, so that Connor was settled between his legs, back pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around Connor's waist as they sat their together, watching the sun fade away into the night.


	10. chapter 10.

Jude smiles to himself, feeling happy and settled for the first time in days. If he was going to be honest with himself, he hasn't been able to feel fully settled for the past four years. Admitting how he feels about Connor, well it feels as though a weight has been lifted from his chest.  


Jude and Connor are lying together on the blanket; Jude lying on his back, cuddling with Connor, who is curled into Jude, head resting on his chest. They lay silently, watching the stars and listening to the waves of the ocean Jude had turned on his Pandora and music was playing softly in the background.  
  
 Jude could feel Connor shiver, so he pulls him in closer. He absently rubs his hands gently over Connor's back. Jude closes his eyes, just enjoying the moment.

 "Jude?" Connor says, interrupting the quiet. "What about Olivia?"  


 "What about her?" Jude responds  


Jude could hear Connor's hesitation in his voice, so he lifts himself up to look at Connor. "What's wrong baby?" Jude asks.  


 Connor bit his bottom lip and responds softly "Ummm, I mean, what's going on? Are you like, cheating on her with me?"

 Jude's eyes widen, as he starts laughing. "Oh no! With all of that before, I forgot to tell you that I broke up with her today. Jude stops laughing and looks directly into Connor's eyes, "I don't want her.... " Jude hesitates for a moment as he intertwines his fingers with Connor's "I just want you."

 Jude watches as Connor's face lights up. "I want you too," Connor replies huskily.

 Jude pulls Connor close to him, and kisses him gently. Connor growls, as he slips his tongue into Jude's mouth, causing the kiss to become more heated.

 Jude slips his hand under Connor's Henley t-shirt, running his hands over his chiseled abs and hard pecs. He traces a finger over his right nipple. He hears Connor moan as he tweaks it, gently at first and then harder. Jude feels himself growing harder as he repeats this on Connor's left nipple.

He moves his hands higher, dragging the shirt with him. Connor raises his hands, as Jude pulls it off. He lets out a small gasp, admiring Connor's torso. He is literally the most beautiful boy Jude has ever seen. Jude could feel Connor playing with the hem of his shirt, so he quickly raises his arms  allowing Connor to remove the shirt.

 Connor runs his hands over Jude's chest, causing Jude's cock to twitch. He needs more. Jude pulls him closer their chests finding each other, like two magnets. Jude turns Connor, so he is lying on his back, positioning himself above him.

 Connor wraps his legs around Jude's hips, bodies fusing together. Jude could feel Connor's hard cock beneath him, so he shifts slightly, making contact, both groaning at the delicious friction. Jude slowly rolls his hips, as Connor thrusts upward. Jude could feel himself growing harder, feeling as though he is about to burst. He looks down at Connor, his beautiful hazel eyes looking up at him, filled with lust. Desire and passion written all over his face. "I need you Jude." Connor whimpers. "Can't wait anymore."

 Jude lets out a groan, as he whispers, " I need you too baby." He dips his fingers into the waistband of Connor's sweatpants, slowly moving them down. He yanks them off, as he stares appreciatively at the growing bulge in Connor's briefs. He moves off Connor to quickly discard his jeans, leaving him only in his boxers.  
 He returns to his place on Connor's body, as he starts to kiss his neck. He nips at his delicious skin, swiping his tongue across to ease the sting. He starts to move, kissing and nibbling a trail down Connor's body. He can feel Connor writhing beneath him. He licks his abs, moving up towards Connor's chest. He circles his right nipple with his tongue, before starting to suckle gently. He repeats this on the left side. "Oh Juuuuuuuude, " Connor moans. "Yes baby?" Jude says in a teasing tone. "More," Connor growls.

 "Anything for you.... I'm gonna take such good care of you."

Jude moves lower, as he starts to panic. He really doesn't know what the hell he is doing. Before Connor, he had sex with Melissa, his girlfriend before Olivia, and that was a disaster. They broke up like the next day. He was completely wasted the last time he had sex with Connor and had no idea what he did. He has never thought about touching another guy like this and feels out of his element. He takes a deep breath, trying to sooth himself. He loves Connor, and wants to make this good for him. He just needs to relax.

 Jude takes another breath and continues to move himself down Connor's body. He closes his eyes and lets the other senses take over. He shuts down his brain and allows his body to take over. He loses himself in Connor's scent and his taste as he feasts on Connor's body.  


 Jude runs his hand over Connor's briefs, cupping his hardness. Connor let out a breathy moan, hitting Jude straight in his cock. He swiftly removes Connor's briefs, taking in a sharp breath, as Connor's dick sprang free. Teasingly, he kisses his way up Connor's right inner thigh, driven by Connor's moans. He bypassed Connor's dick as he moved down the left. "Jude, " Connor breaths out.

 "Yes?" Jude asks innocently.

 "I can't..... Oh..... Oh....." He is trying to speak but he is so lost in pleasure that he can barely let out words.

 "You like that baby?" Jude continues to tease Connor. He just groans in response, as Jude continues to lick and suck on Connor's left inner thigh. He bites Connor hard, quickly soothing the bite with his tongue. He hears Connor whimpering and Jude decides he has been teased enough.  
 He looks down and takes in Connor's beautiful cock. He sees precome oozing out of the head. He swirls his tongue slowly over the head, tasting the pre come. Jude takes in a sharp breath, reveling in Connor's sweet taste. He runs his tongue up and down the base, before wrapping his mouth around Connor. He hears Connor inhale as he takes him in deeper.  
  
Jude closes his eyes, and starts to suck. He could feel Connor's slick, hard cock sliding in and out. After a few moments, he looks up at Connor, who has his eyes closed, face contorted in ecstasy.  
  
Jude starts to move faster, spurred on by Connor's moans. He moves his hands behind, gently grabbing Connor's ass. He slides a finger in, moving in and out of his hole. Connor moans harder and says "Jude... I'm close." Jude adds a finger, picking up speed as he fucks him from both ends. After a moment, he hears Connor groan in a strained voice, "I'm gonna cum," and tries to pull away. Jude holds him there, continuing to work magic on Connor's cock, as he feels Connor start to stream into his mouth. He continues to suck Connor dry, feeling his own dick swell up.  
  
Connor looks at Jude, "wow," was all he could muster. Jude smiles back and says, "we aren't nearly done." Jude quickly pulls off his boxers, throwing them amongst the discarded clothing. He lays Connor gently onto his back, settling his legs over Jude's shoulders. He pulls out a bottle of lube which he previously rescued from his jeans, and pops it open. He places a generous amount onto his fingers, spreading it in Connor's hole. Connor lets out a hiss, feeling the cold gel. Jude inserts two fingers, as he stretches Connor to prepare him. He slowly slides them in and out. Hearing Connor moan, he adds a third, continuing to fuck his hole. Connor looks up at Jude and says, "I'm ready, fuck me," voice filled with lust.  
  
Jude slowly removes his fingers, hearing Connor groan at the loss of contact. He lines himself up at his entrance and slowly pushes in. He stops for a moment, allowing Connor to get used to him. He continues to slowly push in, until he is deep inside Connor.  
  
He can feel Connor clench around him. He moans, as he starts to slowly move inside. He pulls out slightly and thrusts back in. He can feel Connor slowly start to come apart. He grabs Connor's cock, as he starts to slowly jerk him, in time with his thrusts. After a few moments, he murmurs "Connor, I'm close." Connor looks up at Jude and whispers,"me too."  
  
Jude quickly picks up speed, slamming into Connor, while continuing to move his hands around Connor's cock.  
  
 He stares deeply into Connor's eyes, as he feels himself losing control. Sounds start to leave Connor's mouth, letting Jude know he is ready. They climax at the same time, never breaking eye contact.  
  
Jude falls against Connor, both breathless and sweaty. Jude grabs a shirt, and he cleans them both up. He gazes down into Connor's beautiful hazel eyes, seeing them brim with love. He gently strokes his hair, smiling down at him.  
  
Words are not needed in this moment. Jude places his head on Connor's chest, feeling his heartbeat. They can feel the breeze around them, silent except for the crash of the ocean. Jude smiles as he hears Connor's breathing slow down, clearly drifting off to sleep. Feeling at peace, Jude wraps the blanket around them, closing his eyes to a blissful sleep.


	11. chapter 11.

Connor can hear birds chirping and waves crashing. He thinks to himself that he must be having one hell of a dream. He slowly opens his eyes, realizing that he has been asleep on the ground. He feels confused for a moment, before noticing Jude, to his right. Memories from last night slowly rushing back. He could feel himself smile, he can not believe this is really happening.  
  
He recalls the first day he met Jude. It was a few weeks into 7th grade. Lena, the assistant principal, had walked into their class, accompanied by this boy. Connor had felt like he was struck by cupid's arrow, he was so incredibly beautiful. Connor could feel his heart racing and his palms go clammy. To this day, he can not remember anything that was said, all he can remember was staring at Jude.  
  
It took a few days before Connor was able to talk to him. He got his opportunity in science class, when they had to work in pairs. He asked Jude to be his partner and Jude readily agreed. From that day forward, they became best friends. He could barely admit to himself that he is gay, let alone that he has feelings for Jude. He certainly couldn't tell the object of his desire. So, he started to play the role of faithful best friend, all the while, secretly pining for Jude. Never in his wildest dreams, could he imagine Jude returning these feelings. He had always assumed Jude to be straight. After all, he has barely been without a girlfriend since Freshman year of high school.  
  
Connor hears a noise to his right. He looks over, seeing Jude start to stir. Jude sits up and looks around, momentarily confused. He glances at Connor, as a big smile appears on his face, clearly recalling the events of last night.  
  
"Hi," Jude says with a smile.  
  
"Hi yourself," Connor replies.  
  
"So last night....." Jude trails off, while biting his lower lip.  
  
Connor looks at Jude for a long moment, his heart beating out of his chest. What could be going through Jude's mind right now? Is he going to tell Connor it was another mistake.  
  
Connor takes a breath and repeats "last night...."  
  
Jude smiles and says, "it was pretty amazing."  
  
Connor feels relief rushing through his body. "It was, wasn't it?"  
  
Jude smiles again, taking Connor's hand, "absolutely incredible." Jude pulls Connor close to him, engulfing him in a hug. Connor sighs contentedly, as he tucks himself into Jude's embrace.  
  
While Connor was enjoying the feeling of being in Jude's arms, he couldn't stop the nagging feelings buzzing around in his head. "What does this mean? Is Jude my boyfriend? Is this going to go public? Will Jude want me to be his dirty secret?" Jude made it pretty clear that he isn't gay, so will he want to be open about being with a guy. This whole thing feels confusing to Connor and he is scared to ask Jude.  
  
"Connor?" Jude asks, voice filled with concern. "You're shaking. What's wrong?" Jude pulls back, looking Connor in the face.  
  
Connor sighs and pulls out of Jude's embrace. "I don't know..... I mean, I guess I'm wondering what all this means."  
  
Jude looks at Connor for a moment, his face remaining neutral. "Honestly, I don't know. This is so new to me. I think I have always known that i have feelings for you, which are stronger than friendship. I just didn't know what they mean." Jude sighs and looks down at his hands. "I think it is hard for me.... I feel an obligation to definite myself in order to explore my feelings for you. I don't know that I can do that, define myself."  
  
Connor swallows and replies, "you don't have to. I know it's confusing and scary, and I'm willing to go at your pace."  
  
Jude smiles at Connor, "Thank you." He looks at him for a moment and continues, "What about you? We have never really spoken about this before. What are you thinking about all of this?"  
  
Connor takes a deep breath and says, "  
I'm gay. I've known since I was 10, when I found myself having a crush on Taylor Lautner, but i didn't really admit it to myself for a long time. I have had a crush on you, since the day you walked into science class in 7th grade." Connor looks at Jude, he can't believe that he just admitted this out loud. No matter what Jude's response is, he feels a weight lifted off his chest.  
  
Jude stares back at him, with a stunned look on his face. "Why didn't you ever say anything?" Jude asks gently."  
  
Connor stays quiet for a few moments. He can feel the tears forming. Jude scoots over to him, placing his arms around Connor's shoulders. Connor, leans in to Jude's embrace and says quietly, "I was scared... I didn't want to lose you."  
  
Jude wraps his arms around Connor, "you could never lose me. No matter what, you will always be my best friend."  
  
They sat silently for a while, holding each other as tears started falling from their eyes. Finally Jude sits up and says, "ok, enough of this. We are going home to clean up and then we are spending the day together."  
  
Connor feels a huge smile forming on his face. "What are we going to do?" He asks eagerly, like a kid on Christmas.  
  
Jude smiles back, equally enthused " Belmont park of course!"  
  
Connor breaks into an even bigger smile. Belmont park is a beachfront amusement park, located on the pier. This is their favorite place in the world. They used to go all the time, when they were younger. They both love the arcade games and the rides. Their favorite is the Ferris wheel at night because you can see an amazing view of the city, all lit up.  
  
Connor looks at Jude and asks "are we hanging out as friends or....." He trails off.  
  
Jude looks at Connor and replies, "Connor Stevens, will you go on a date with me?"  
  
Connor grins and answers, "Yes, Jude Foster, I will go on a date with you."  
  
Connor watches as an ear splitting grin forms on Jude's face. Jude quickly jumps up and collects their belongings. He reaches out an arm to Connor, helping him up, and says "sir, your chariot awaits."  
  
Connor laughs, scrambling up to meet Jude. Hand in hand, they walk back to the car and drive away, both looking forward to what the day will bring them.


End file.
